


Lean on me

by Talesofwovensilver



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Boarding School AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Quite a lot of angst actually, not ninja, past Naruto&Sasuke FRIENDSHIP, shikanaru - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-05 07:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15165920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talesofwovensilver/pseuds/Talesofwovensilver
Summary: He's 16, exams are this year and Naruto's facing two more years in school after that... except maybe he isn't and he never thought the prospect would be quite so terrifying. He's crossed the line from concerning to perilous and now his life within the safety of school surrounded by the people he's known since he was a kid is looking like its going to collapse around him.After threats of being kicked out of the school upon failing the year, Naruto's trying hard to contain his anxiousness and fear, despair creeping over him as the reality he will never pass consumes him, but despite what he'd initially thought, his situation isn't a hopeless as it seems. Someone steps up to help and Naruto will grow to realise he has more in front of him than he realised as the year continues and hope begins to grow within him once more, perhaps for more reasons than one.ORWhere Shikamaru is more perceptive than the rest of his peers and realises he isn't willing to let go of someone who means so much to him, and if that means dropping the lazy act he's carried with him and showing what he's truly capable of, well, the stakes are more than worth it.





	1. This is how we started

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FluffyIgnition](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyIgnition/gifts).



> Inspired by a post I saw on tumblr, it was a fanart of the guys in a dorm room and it was Shikanaru, most of you will probably know it. You just have to keep scrolling through the Shikanaru tag to find it. So yeah, that got me thinking about them in a boarding school AU and this was the result.

The light pink paper blurred where it stayed clutched in his hand. His body was taught and starting to shake from suppressing his emotional state.

His eyes were screwed up, his chest barely moving as he tried not to breath, holding the sobs behind a vastly straining wall.

He stretched his body out, feeling almost removed from his body even as he grabbed the pillow at the end of his bed, pulling it to his stomach where he buried his face in it and tried to control his breathing.

They were going to kick him out. The school he had spent the majority of his time at for the past five years, the only place that felt safe for him and suddenly that was all hanging from a thin line, with him attached to the end, dangling above a dark, unknown pit.

They’d called him out of class third period, he’d been led to the headmaster’s office, where the head of wellbeing and deputy head had been gathered alongside the headmaster. Iruka was there too, as Naruto’s past form tutor and school counsellor, and he’d seemed protectively worried over Naruto, but without being able to do anything to help.

In short, they had told him, that despite the extenuating circumstances of his placement there, his government funding decreased when he turned sixteen, and though he still had limited government funding to stay at the school and they could keep him on officially as a non-academic scholarship student, his grades were too low for them to do so, with him predicted to fail all his core classes, something that was a risk for them and their expected turn-out grades.

They’d spent an hour talking over it and justifying it and telling him _‘work harder to get your grades up and we will keep you on’_ like he wasn’t severely dyslexic with no aptitude for any academic subjects, excelling only in his physical and art subjects. When he was younger he’d originally tried at school, before realising he would never achieve what he wanted to and giving up on the subjects where teachers only called him out on his lack of intelligence and made him feel worse about himself. Even when he moved and progressed through the school and got teachers he got along with, Maths, English, Science, Humanities, all the ones they wanted him to pass in were lost causes.

So now he had until the end of the year to _get his grades up_ and attend all classes or they wouldn’t allow him to return next year. That’s basically what the pink letter was saying in fancy terms. They didn’t want their reputation as best academic achieving school to be tarnished.

And if he couldn’t return then he would have nowhere to go, the usual place he stayed in his summers was conditional as long as he was in full-time education funded by the government. It wasn’t like the people there were exactly charity workers either, they were doing their job, it wasn’t about the kids’ welfare, but the cheque they got at the end of the month, all the kids staying there realised that pretty quickly when they were left to their own devices.

He’d literally be left to the streets in very literal terms, with no family to speak of and no friends he was close enough to ask for help from. Not anymore anyway.

Once he might have talked to Sasuke about it, but since they’d moved him into advanced placement (moving him into a different dorm and all) he’d stopped talking to him, never seeking out his company, the only times they interacted at all now was when Naruto forced his company on Sasuke, and that was what it felt like. As though Sasuke was being forced to be in his presence. Which was a worse feeling than he could even describe and was what finally made him crack.

His controlled breathing was shot to the wind and he started full-body sobbing into the pillow, his back contorted to bury his face in it, chest heaving, snot and tears running as he cried like he hadn’t since he was five years old. Curling toes and head pulsing.

Time ticked by, seemingly too fast and too slow, he didn’t know how he would ever be able to move from this moment, caught up in the terror of the present and the hopeless of the future, until the minute hand on the clock reached five past and the bell to signal the end of the fourth period rang and Naruto forced himself to calm down, taking laboured, sniffling inhales and wet, shaky exhales, uncurling from his position and forcing himself to relax in a succession of controlled deep breathes, finally blowing the last one out over a second or two.

Now he had to shape up. He turned the pillow he’d been crying into around and shoved it underneath his other one so it wasn’t obviously pulled or soggy in any places. He scrubbed his hands over his face and walked over to shove the sheet of paper in his bag, his attention partially focusing on his sketchbooks on his allocated shelf to the side of their large, extended desk space.

Throwing his bag onto his bed he took his most recent art one. They’d been assigned to create an introduction mood-board type piece for their new topic, using named artists examples, which wasn’t his favourite thing to do, but still always better than maths questions or essays, and he liked arranging them to make them eye-catching, that way he could still input his own style into the project. Plus, Yamato always said his pieces were often the most interesting – to be fair some of the students just stuck pictures in and labelled them at a bare minimum so it wasn’t too surprising their teacher liked the variation he provided, but still - so that motivated him to do better each time.

Starting his project would serve as a distraction and something to swerve his friends with when they came in.

He’d just opened the laptop he’d been given at the start of his fourth year and started researching artists to do with their theme when he heard the sounds of students leaking out of classes and returning to their dorms, either because they were done for the day, to return their bags or get something for their lunch period, whichever it was, he knew his fellow room-mates would be arriving soon enough, and excluding Shino they had all been in his class when he’d been pulled out, so they would have questions.

He started going through things to say in his head. He definitely did not want to tell them all his situation. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them or trust them. They were all close friends of his and they would all care and try and help, but there was nothing they could do and it would just make things awkward. They knew Naruto was an orphan and was here on the non-academic scholarship (that was the official story anyway) but they were all from families who had old-money and had been coming to this school for generations. None of them would ever be at risk of getting kicked out and none of them would understand what exactly that meant for his future either.

But what to tell them? Maybe just stick to the basics? Something about his options? No. He’d probably have to elaborate on that. It was too flimsy. Would they dig if he just told them he’d been pulled out about his grades? Probably not too much. Kiba would probably freak out about his own grades which weren’t much better than Naruto’s, but it wouldn’t come to anything so that would probably be fine. He couldn’t be too evasive or else they would dig and keep digging until they knew everything. Which he certainly didn’t want.

They were quite loud as a group, even without him, Kiba’s voice resonating through the wall as the four of them stopped to punch the code into the door.

Naruto wondered if it would be seen as him acting out of character that he didn’t go open it for them. If it were Shikamaru or Kiba when he was feeling lazy no-one would expect them to get up and open the door for them, but generally most other times the person inside would just save the others the bother. Unless it was Shino and Kiba. Those two liked to aggravate one another. Naruto especially found things boring on his own, so maybe?

It didn’t really matter. They were in now and it would just be weird to get all jittery about it.

“Hey Naruto.”

“Naruto!”

“‘Ruto.” Shikamaru was the only person lazy enough to shorten his name.

Shino just nodded at him.

He waved and grinned at his friends.

“Yo guys, did you miss me.” His grin widened into a Cheshire cat one, his hair falling out of its ties a little and wafting around his face as he tilted it cheekily.

“Where did you even go? Was it Iruka being a bitch again?” Kiba flopped down beside him.

“I _like_ Iruka.” Naruto whacked his friend. He couldn’t really be bothered to get too affronted as he normally would, but he could act like he was.

“So do I! But he _can_ be really bitchy sometimes Naruto, come on.” Kiba defended himself, arms up in the air.

Naruto didn’t know how to respond to that except to push Kiba off the side of the bed.

“Ow! You dick!” His response wasn’t exactly surprising.

Everybody let out a variation of some kind of laugh at Kiba’s expense. Even Shikamaru - who a lot of the time couldn’t be bothered to do much more than sigh - snorted. Naruto looked over to him, only to find dark brown eyes that were normally staring off into space and generally half closed on him, searching and pointed. It was disconcerting, but Naruto just stuck his tongue out, getting half a smile in return and the disconcerting gaze fell as Shikamaru closed his eyes and carried on not paying attention.

“So why were you taken out of class Naruto?” Leave it to Chōji to calmly bring the subject back around when Naruto thought it could possibly be avoided. He couldn’t even be upset at the guy about it, because it was just genuine curiosity and light concern.

“Oh, it was just the Head and everyone getting on my back about my grades and that shit.”

“Ugh, that dickhead. Can’t he just fuck off.” Kiba didn’t like their Headmaster, particularly because he’d called Kiba out on his behaviour when they’d been thirteen and called Kiba’s mum, which had freaked Kiba out, because his mother was legitimately terrifying, (though Naruto knew she wasn’t that scary really, all she’d done was yell at him and take away his privileges). Kiba had held a grudge since then.

“I know.” Naruto gave an enthusiastic gesture to his fellow friend. “He’s almost dead I swear, when are they going to replace him?”

“I heard he’s planning to retire in a year or two.” Chōji opened a packet of biscuits from his bag.

“Close, the board of governors have been discussing new potential applicants, though there is no statement made by him saying he’s going to retire yet.” Shino had opened one of the windows to the room, causing a fly to come in.

“Shino quit letting bugs in.”

“It’s hot in here, I don’t know why Naruto didn’t open the windows earlier. He’s normally one to complain about the heat.”

“ _Thanks_ , Shino.” Naruto deadpanned.

“It’s true Naruto. You never want to stay in the dorm when you can be outside. I thought you said it was too stuffy in here?” Chōji pointed out.

Naruto just sighed exaggeratedly at him, using a put-upon face.

“Why is it all suddenly gang up on Naruto day, huh?”

“Well, I want to get out of here anyway, come on, the girls said they’d meet us by the tree once we’ve all gotten food.” Kiba stood up, grabbing the ID cards they were all supposed to carry around. Kiba was paranoid about it because he’d been given detentions seven times by the same teacher for not carrying his (though the sixth time was actually for exploding at that teacher for always singling him out about it, and after that his detentions had been with his form tutor, rather than the teacher themselves) and now Kiba was convinced they were stalking him.

Everyone started moving around, Kiba changing into trainers, Shino switching his blazer for a longer, but lighter coat, Chōji packing extra food, and Shikamaru reluctantly sat up, hunching over to sigh, raising an eyebrow at Naruto who wasn’t moving.

“You coming?”

“Actually,” Naruto was hesitant, but he didn’t feel like going out and spending all his time trying to be his usual self when he felt anything but. “I kind of wanted to get started on this project. That’s one less off my back, ya know?” He scratched his cheek slightly as everyone looked at him, lightly tapping his fingers along his keyboard.

“Seriously? You know we’re not even halfway through the year yet? Mock exams aren’t even for another four months.” Kiba looked astounded at him.

“I’m not _revising_. It’s for Yamato’s class. If I can get good grades in at least one class, maybe they’ll stop… hounding me over it.”

“You sure?” Chōji was blinking slowly at him. “They’re just grades you know. I didn’t think you cared about that kind of stuff.”

“I mean, no, but, this is our actual exam year, and all the teachers are going to start stressing us about it, I mean, they already have, so I figured, it’s not going to get any better if I just leave it.” He was almost mumbling as he finished, his eyes flitting from his screen to his friends.

“Of course, Naruto.” Shino was the one to finally release him from their hold. “Would you like us to bring you anything? Or will you get something from the canteen later?”

“I’m good Shino, but thanks.”

“Okay man.” Kiba sighed but started bounding towards the door again. “Your choice. It’s fucking weird, and I think Mr Dickbag has scared you with all that bullshit we’ll fail you crap, but like, sure. Whatever.” He waved as he strode back out the door they’d come in from, Shino close behind, adding a salutation to Naruto before following his best friend out.

Chōji was holding the door open, pausing with his mouth open as though he was waiting for something. Then it clicked what it was and both Naruto and Chōji shifted to look at Shikamaru. Which made Naruto curse internally because he was still sat on the bed and this time his gaze was more intense than it had been before, making Naruto wonder how the fuck he hadn’t realised that was burning into him. Normally anybody’s eyes on him had his skin tingling and his body started fidgeting. As it was his knee started bouncing as he pulled a confused face.

“Shikamaru? You coming?” Chōji held the door open wider, and Shikamaru looked at his friend before waving a hand and collapsing back into the bed, back to the normal body language Naruto was used to.

“Nah, I can’t be bothered. I’ll just stay here. Tell Ino I don’t care.”

Chōji furrowed his brow. “Okay… Don’t care about what?”

“Whatever she’s going to say about me being a lazy deadass.” The larger boy rolled his eyes.

“Bye then guys.” The door shut behind him and the dorm was left in an odd type of silence.

Well fuck. That wasn’t what he’d planned to happen.

Naruto looked over to Shikamaru, almost expecting him to be staring at him again, but he wasn’t. He had his arm thrown over his eyes shielding his face from view, his legs propped up on the bed, one raised in a triangular shape, the other horizontal, seemingly content to lie there silently.

“Quit it.” Naruto almost jumped. Not expecting Shikamaru to say anything. He didn’t even know what he was supposed to quit.

His confused silence must have been telling because Shikamaru gave a put-upon sigh.

“The tapping Naruto.”

Oh shit. Naruto looked down at his laptop screen and saw long lines of the letter J running across his screen from where he’d been tapping the key.

Now it really was weirdly silent, and Naruto wasn’t sure what to do, so he made the effort to purposefully not tap the keys too hard and carried on the work he’d started earlier.

“What’s with you anyway?” This time Naruto actually did jump, startling from Shikamaru speaking again after the extended lull in anything.

“Huh? Nothing?” Naruto curled his toes, rolling his shoulders as he flitted his eyes to Shikamaru, not meeting his eyes, which resulting in Naruto’s eyes running the length of the other boy’s body, before snapping back up to his face guiltily, meeting raised eyebrows. He could feel his cheeks colouring combined with his open mouth on the verge of forming some bullshit excuse.

“Liar.” That killed any excuse Naruto was going to use and forced his gaze back to his laptop. He hated how easily that brought a lump to his throat and made him force back tears. He was absolutely not going to cry in front of Shikamaru. He wasn’t even going to let the other boy see he was struggling with it. Especially not from a comment that shouldn’t really matter.

Then he saw Shikamaru’s legs swing down to settle in front of his bed as he rotated himself upright, his hands pushing him up as he stood. Naturally, Naruto waited for the accompanying sigh that always followed Shikamaru being forced to move anywhere, anxiousness and uncertainty coiling inside him. The sigh never came and Shikamaru quietly padded over to stand in front of him. With his head hung Naruto couldn’t see Shikamaru’s face, and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to. The taller boy had expressions that sometimes seemed to see right through you. Never very often, and most of the time on the rare occasions Shikamaru seemed to stare straight at him Naruto assumed he’d just been lost in thought and hadn’t realised he was staring at him. But they were always very focused on him and often made Naruto nervous, but could easily be brushed off, Shikamaru never commenting to him or acting any different.

This was different.

Shikamaru took his laptop from him and set it on the unused bunk above him. The bunk that used to be Sasuke’s. The Uchiha complaining Naruto always moved around too much, so he had to sleep on the bottom bunk. He hadn’t wanted to move to the top after Sasuke had moved out of their dorm, so it was just an empty bed.

Naruto’s hands were empty now and his gaze was obviously pulled down. He was anxious about what was going to happen next. This was out of character for Shikamaru. At least, the Shikamaru he knew.

He felt him sit down beside him and saw his torso aligned next to his, one leg brought up, foot curling beneath his other thigh as that leg hung over the side of the bed. One hand must have been pressed up and between up the slats of the bed above, because Naruto couldn’t see it, and the other was hovering next to Naruto. Just in his line of sight.

“Naruto.” His voice was soft. Surprisingly gentle, a tone Naruto had never associated with Shikamaru before. He wondered what the other boy saw in him that made him speak that way. Naruto wanted to get upset. Angry at himself. He must seem really pathetic and small for Shikamaru to speak to him the way he could only imagine was saved for young children or broken people. But he couldn’t ignore he’d never heard anyone say his name with such care before, and it only made him want to cry more.

Naruto turned away from him, pressing his face into his knees, which he brought up to shield him from having to face Shikamaru. He clenched his eyes together, his jaw taught as he tried not to breathe too much, not wanting to give anything away.

“’Ruto. Won’t you look at me?” Shikamaru moved his hand to cup the bottom of Naruto’s face, chin and jaw. He didn’t force Naruto’s head around but kept his hand there. A physical representation of his presence as he waited for Naruto to face him.

He didn’t want to. He didn’t know what he’d say. What he’d have to explain. What Shikamaru wanted from him.

But Shikamaru didn’t seem phased by Naruto not turning around. Still not forcing his head or pushing any further. Just waiting there.

And Naruto realised he would have to turn around. He could get up and leave. He knew Shikamaru wouldn’t run after him. He could turn around and face plant himself into his bed, refusing to respond. Shikamaru would stay until the others came back, but he wouldn’t be able to get anything out of him. He could physically remove Shikamaru’s hold from him. It wasn’t at all tight or restricting, more like he was just resting it there. Naruto could easily do so and even that would tell Shikamaru he wasn’t going to co-operate with him. He could tell him to go away. Anything. But every one of those would be an act of pushing Shikamaru away – to whichever degree – and Naruto could only accept the realisation he didn’t want to do that.

So, he would have to turn around, because he didn’t want to push him away, and that meant facing him and letting him look him in the eyes with those intensely capturing eyes and waiting to see what happened next.

He turned his head, his face shifting so Shikamaru’s hand lay more across one cheek, his eyes still downcast, head still tilted downwards. Lightly Shikamaru guided his head up, and Naruto knew he had to take the next step, but he knew that if he raised his eyes the tears that were captured between his lids and lashes would fall.

“I can’t.” He whispered. He didn’t know what else to do. This situation was utterly unexpected and he was at a loss of what else he could do. He’d been stretched so far today emotion wise, he didn’t know how he could cope with any more.

“And here I thought you could do anything.” Shikamaru’s voice was soft, lightly teasing him, but with honesty in the way he didn’t hesitate, didn’t turn it into a joke, just spoke the words like they were true. The same way he might tease Naruto for any other aspect of himself that he knew to be true. Like his tendency to jump around grinning like a child when something particularly excited him, or the way he gravitated towards all things orange, or his love of ramen. All things Shikamaru had teased him for in the past but accepted were a part of him.

Naruto opened his eyes, just staring across at Shikamaru over the space between them, sniffling as hot, salty tears rolled down his cheeks, catching in the crevices of his nose and lips, trailing onto Shikamaru’s hand that was still framing his cheek, warm, the contact almost foreign in a way Naruto hadn’t realised he was missing.

“Sorry.” He whispered. Not knowing what else to say. He didn’t know whether to pull away, to clear his tears, Shikamaru didn’t seem to mind them.

“Why are you sorry?” Again, when Shikamaru ran his thumb across Naruto’s cheek, not necessarily removing any tears but just as a source of comfort, it felt so foreign, and not the type of affection he would have expected Shikamaru to give at any other point before this moment, but it was something he didn’t want to tell him to stop or pull away from him. He wondered if he was affection starved. But then, he also had to wonder if he would accept this from anyone other than Shikamaru.

He didn’t think he would. It wouldn’t fit anyone else.

“I’m crying…” There was more of course, but as good as Naruto normally was at vocalising how he felt, this felt oddly intimate, and he wasn’t sure how to say what he felt right now. Even thinking about the word intimate in this context felt weird and strange to him, but he couldn’t think of a better word.

“No reason to apologise. Why don’t you tell me why instead?” Shikamaru moved his hand to wipe his knuckles gently across Naruto’s cheekbones, brushing past his eyelashes and clearing the tears from them slightly as they caught on his skin. He let his hand fall to rest on the bed beside Naruto then and it almost made Naruto back out, not having realised what a direct effect the contact had made to keep them connected. He broke eye contact from Shikamaru then shifting his head to the floor again, but the other boy pressed his fingers to Naruto’s hand to guide his attention back to him. Apparently realising the same thing Naruto had.

“What happened when you got pulled out of class?”

Naruto took a deep breath, not sure how to start before he realised he could show him. He reached forward, to his bag behind Shikamaru, having to balance against him to grab it, but Shikamaru didn’t move backwards, letting Naruto grip his shoulder, his weight pressed to Shikamaru’s side before moving backwards again, a traitorous sniffle escaping him. Naruto wasn’t sure if he saw Shikamaru respond to it by almost reaching to him or whether that was his own mind making connections that weren’t there.

He unzipped the bag and took out the light pink piece of paper there. He handed it to Shikamaru, watching as his brows furrowed slightly (as they often did) and his eyes slid across the writing with ease.

“It’s to say they’re kicking me out if I don’t pass this year.” Naruto’s voice almost betrayed him, sinking to a new level of whispering, barely able to get the words out. Ones that might be so insignificant to other people but were so damning for him. “I have to pass 65% of my courses to pass. I’m predicted to pass by 38% maximum. Probably only 20 something.” Three subjects he was predicted to pass, and those were his electives, the percentage worked by all the papers he took adding them all together, but if he got an E grade or below that counted as 0 and then the overall percentage gained, how exactly he wasn’t sure, but something along those lines.

Shikamaru was silent, eyes focused on the paper in his hands.

After a long, drawn-out silence where Naruto started to pick at his cover, pulling a thread lose before Shikamaru turned to look at him.

“What will you do if you get kicked out?”

It was a question Naruto wasn’t ready to answer. One he didn’t know the answer to. But…

“Get a job I suppose.” He knew his prospects of getting a good job with his expected three pass grades wasn’t hopeful, and getting somewhere stable to stay that could be supported on the expected income was even lower.

Shikamaru just stared at him.

“You won’t go to a school somewhere else?”

“What’s the point? I’ll be sixteen by then. There’s no use wasting my time at a college that will likely not be very good to accept me on 3 passes only to have to go into an unrelated job when I graduate. There’s not much you can do with Art, Photography and Dance. Even if I did go to college, I’d probably still have to get a job…” He trailed off, looking out the window, thankful of the breeze that circulated its way into the room through the window Shino had left open.

“Who would you stay with?” Naruto just couldn’t look at Shikamaru with that question. _Who would he stay with?_ No-one was the answer. He didn’t have anywhere to go. No-one to take him in. He was an orphan. Shikamaru knew that. It was why he’d asked. _Where can you go? You’re an orphan with no home._ But he couldn’t tell Shikamaru that, though he suspected he might already have guessed Naruto didn’t have a home.

“I guess I’ll just have to find somewhere myself. Be independent and all that.” His words were entirely more enthusiastic than his internal thoughts.

It was quiet again and then Shikamaru sighed and Naruto was both relieved and disappointed to take that as the end of their conversation. He supposed there wasn’t really anything else Shikamaru could say or do. They’d gone somewhere different to their normal dynamic just then, he supposed this was them returning to it.

Naruto cleared his throat, shifting his position and went to speak. Anything really, to get things back to normal, but apparently, he’d assumed wrong, because Shikamaru wrapped a hand around his upper arm and sighed again.

“Well, I suppose we’ll just have to get your grades up.”

Naruto literally stumbled over a word he hadn’t even been trying to say. He turned red-rimmed eyes to Shikamaru who was looking back at him entirely seriously.

“…Shika… I’m…” Shikamaru raised an eyebrow “I’m a lost cause.”

“Bullshit.” Shikamaru shot back blankly.

“You don’t get it.” Finally, Naruto stopped dropping and sat up straighter, his back tense and his movements agitated. “I can’t just get my grades up. I’m a dead last okay. Class clown. Failure. I can’t-”

“Stop saying that.” Shikamaru covered his mouth, hand digging into his arm now. “That’s complete idiocy. You’re practically every teacher’s favourite. You’re creative and you actually have stuff to say. Stop saying you can’t do it when you haven’t even tried.”

“I’ve tried! For seven years I tried! And all it got me was ridicule and disappointment! Okay! I’m not academic. I’m not intelligent. Yeah sure, I can take pictures and draw and I’m good at dance and Phys. ed, but apart from that I’ve failed every single class I’ve ever taken and I can’t change that. And I’m certainly not every teachers' favourite. Teachers hate me. I’m a nuisance.”

“Only when you try to be, and who says you have to be _naturally_ good at something to succeed in it. Yeah, you aren’t academic, but you don’t have to be. You just have to work hard and you _can_ pass.”

“You say that like it’s so easy. I don’t know how you do it Shikamaru. You never do any work in class, you fail every in-class test but you pass every end of year one. I can’t do that.” Naruto put his head in his hands.

“Schools easy for me. I don’t like it but I can do it. If I try. I know we aren’t the same and you have to work harder but look how amazingly you do in _your_ subjects. Kurenai practically smothered you last time you handed that photography piece in, because even though you didn’t write it all out, you spent the time explaining to her what each individual component meant and you actually had meaning in your creation and you were so passionate about it, and that got you an A* grade because then she could mark that as part of your comprehensive understanding and creative ability and you are her favourite student by far.”

Naruto stared at him.

“How do you even _know_ that?”

“Kurenai literally wouldn’t stop gushing about how she finally had a student who gave a shit about her subject and wasn’t just in it to pass and actually had talent and Asuma ended up recounting it to us all because he’d heard her talk about you so much he was pissed none of us were that enthusiastic about his subject. He kept glaring at us and telling us we were the worst students ever.” Shikamaru raised his eyebrows at him.

“Seriously. And Hayate too. Yūgao apparently spent the whole week after your first individually assessed creative dancing performance trying to choreograph to neoclassical music and she literally didn’t do anything else because she felt outclassed by one of her students and that meant Hayate barely got to spend any time with her and the time he did spend with her was listening to Ólafur Arnalds, which we ended up getting as background music during our IT lessons because he couldn’t get it out of his head. He didn’t explicitly say that was you, but I recognised the music from when you were spending all that time choreographing your dance piece Kiba kept complaining made him feel inferior. And I was curious so I hacked into the school system and watched that recording and like before, you put so much passion into what you do, I really do believe you can transfer some of that into if not passion then at least dedication to trying as hard as you can in each subject. I really do. And I’ll help you. I don’t normally put much effort into school, but I’d rather do so than have you leave. The next two years would be insanely dull without you. So really, it’s in my best interests to help you.”

Naruto could only stare stunned, having stopped thinking of things to respond with, just listening incredulously as Shikamaru became more animated than Naruto had ever seen him in the whole time he had known him.

“Wait, you hacked into the school system just to find my dance performance?!” That clicked into place. “Dude. What?”

“I was curious.” There wasn’t a millimetre of embarrassment on his face.

“Since when did you put that much effort into anything?!” Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

“When it interests me.”

“How didn’t I know about this? Wait, how do you even know how to hack into the school system? They don’t teach you that in IT do they? Surely that’s computing anyway?” Naruto felt the intense anxiety recede as his attention fixed on something else.

“I was bored.” He heaved a sigh, but there was a smile playing on his lips as he tilted his head upwards.

“Right, and here I thought cloud watching and napping was what you did when you were bored.” Naruto couldn’t help teasing him.

“It was raining and I couldn’t sleep, and I was curious.” Shikamaru defended himself.

Naruto laughed but then a thought struck him.

“Curious about hacking or curious about my dance?” Surely, he hadn’t learnt it just to hack into the school system so he could see his dance…?

“Your dance.” How was he acting so casual about this?

“Wait, you learned how to hack into the school system, because you were bored, couldn’t sleep and it was raining and you were curious about my dance? Is that what you’re telling me?” He pointed a finger at Shikamaru’s nose, who seemed to pause just for the sake of it before tilting to the side in a conceding motion.

“Yeah pretty much.”

“Oh my God Shikamaru! You know, if you’d only asked, I probably could have just shown you the dance.” Naruto was grinning, laughter escaping him at the thought. Not just that Shikamaru had learned to hack into the school system out of boredom and curiosity, but also because he did it specifically (if not directly) due to him.

“Yeah, but that’s effort you know.”

“That-That’s the effort for you!? Shikamaru!”

“What? It is. With a computer, all you have to do is sit there and type.” Shikamaru made a vague typing motion that was more like a drifting motion with his hand than any typing.

“That’s how you type, is it? No wonder the teachers complain you never hand anything in.”

Shikamaru snorted, shaking his head, even as he laughed with Naruto.

“Ugh. That’s great Shikamaru. Wait.” Naruto looked increasingly shocked at Shikamaru. “If you’ve done that without anybody realising, what else have you done?”

Shikamaru smirked. Actually smirked.

“Probably lots of things.”

“What?” Naruto was finally animated the same way Shikamaru was used to seeing and he used that as an indicator to fall backwards and groan.

“Oh god, I forgot what a bloodhound you are.”

“Tell me. Please, please, please.” Naruto could easily fall back into their usual dynamic, though leaning forward over Shikamaru was slightly closer than they’d normally get, but considering Shikamaru had basically just shown Naruto a whole other side to himself Naruto hadn’t realised was hidden he could assume it was fine.

“Nothing. Come on. Get off it ‘Ruto.” Shikamaru shook his head.

“Aw, that’s not fair.” Naruto pouted at him. “Pleeeeease.” He tried making his eyes wider, and Shikamaru stared up at him for a moment before shaking his head.

“I’m not hiding anything.”

“You literally just told me there were lots of things I didn’t know about you!”

“No, I said you probably didn’t know lots of the things I’ve done.”

“Okay. So, tell me.”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you do I?”

“Yes, you do!” Naruto pointed both his hands at Shikamaru’s face, who rolled his eyes, sighing.

“Shika. Come on.” Shikamaru gave him a look. Not the one he was expecting, it wasn’t at all sarcastic or sassy like he’d expected. Rather it was similar to how he’d been looking at him earlier, softly, but this time more off-guard.

“If it’s relevant in the future I’ll tell you. It’s probably nothing anyway.”

“You know, somehow, considering what you just said I doubt it.” But still, Naruto leaned back, if not quite satisfied with the answer, he figured it was probably all he was going to get. He could just ask Shikamaru loads of questions until he found one that was relevant.

Naruto realised he’d ended up almost sitting on Shikamaru and so let himself fall backwards, landing on his bag, which jutted into his back, thankfully giving him an excuse to turn his attention onto something else to avoid how flustered he was at practically sitting in Shikamaru’s lap.

“Ow.” He muttered, shoving the offending object onto the floor.

He wiped his face, it was still sticky from where he’d been crying, and ran his hand through his hair, pulling out the tie that wasn’t holding much hair in at this point.

Shikamaru had gone quiet again, but it was a more comfortable silence this time, he just watched Naruto who was staring out the window, a faint pink in his cheeks as he re-tied his hair.

“Will you really, miss me?” Naruto asked softly, squinting slightly as he stared out the window, the last words too quiet for Shikamaru to catch.

“Help you?” Shikamaru guessed. “I said I would, didn’t I? Even if it turns out I’m a shit teacher, I can still find something to help you with.” Shikamaru stretched his legs out so they were lying along the length of Naruto’s bed, brushing against the other boy where he was sat. Naruto shook his head.

“Miss me, I said. You said the next two years will be really dull if I’m gone. I thought I was troublesome? Ya know?”

When Naruto looked shyly at Shikamaru, who was looking at him with disbelief and incredulity. He sat up.

“You’re joking. Naruto, you’re one of my best friends. I say going outside to lie down is troublesome. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it, because I’d rather be out there staring at the sky then the deadass boring ceiling inside. Of course, I’d miss you. You’re…” Shikamaru trailed off with a quiet sigh, not knowing what to say to describe what he felt, what he thought. That Naruto’s personality was inviting and addictive and unique. More than his personality. Him.

“I get that, but…” Naruto trailed off too, not sure what he was trying to say. He wasn’t sure why he’d said it in the first place. It was normal for friends to miss each other when they had to go their separate ways, but it had just felt different from that.

“I’ll help you, and you’ll pass and then I won’t have to miss you, because you’ll still be right here.” Shikamaru grasped his shoulder, and Naruto felt dumb for making a thing out of it but leaned in anyway. It wasn’t exactly a hug, but close to it.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. And next time some shit happens, don’t hide it. Just talk to me about it. I’m right here.” Shikamaru said it like it was the most nonchalant thing in the world, but he squeezed Naruto’s shoulder before letting go.

Sitting side by side, for once Naruto felt like that was true. He did have someone right beside him again since he’d lost Sasuke, and this time he wasn’t the one giving everything.

“I will.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”


	2. Careful, some things hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto's day is going great, until it isn't.

Naruto didn’t much like science as a topic, but Kakashi had been his form tutor since second year (Iruka had been his in first year, but then they’d had a year wide re-shuffling because there had been some incidents in a few of the classes so they rearranged everyone) and he let Naruto off the hook with not having to answer questions and handing in half-completed homework, and would often walk into his art classes to talk to Yamato - when he was supposed to be teaching - and encourage Naruto with his artwork, so he was one of (if not number one out of) Naruto’s favourite teachers.

Plus, Kakashi would often go off topic and start talking about unrelated but entirely more interesting topics and that was great for Naruto, though Sakura and some of the other high-achieving students often complained about it.

Another pro was that Kakashi only made you sit in a seating plan if he didn’t like you, so Naruto didn’t have to sit right at the front like most teachers made him do in classes, and he could sit next to his friends.

Which benefited him now because Shikamaru had sat down next to him (Ino had been happy to kidnap Chōji anyway) and rather than ignoring the lesson like normal, Shikamaru paid attention and when it came time for the theory application part of the lesson - where Naruto normally sat staring blankly after writing a few words on the sheet in front of him before giving up – Shikamaru turned to him.

“So, what out of that did you get. Explain it to me.” Luckily, other people were talking too, so it wasn’t like their conversation stood out. Only that most people probably weren’t paying that much attention to the actual topic.

Naruto tried to understand what Kakashi had just been talking about.

“Osmosis is to do with water moving through a cell?”

Shikamaru nodded.

“The water molecules move across the cell membrane from an area where there are lots of them – so an area of high concentration – to an area where there are less on them.”

“So low concentration.”

“Exactly. And the cell membrane is partially permeable, which basically mean it keeps lots of things contained within the cell and acts like a boundary, but has small gaps that let small molecules pass through.” Shikamaru did a neat, simple drawing of a wall with gaps between and more small circles to represent water molecules on one side than the other, with arrows to show where they were going. Then he drew a few lines coming out from each place and question marks next to them.

“Label this for me.” He slid it over. Naruto filled them out pretty easily.

“What are these lines pointing to?”

“The areas the water molecules are coming from and going to.”

“So high on this side and low here?” Shikamaru just nodded as Naruto filled it in.

“There, so now if we look at the sheet.” It was an application sheet, so put it more in context.

Shikamaru worked through it with Naruto by starting the explanation and letting him think through how it would end, reworking how he said it if Naruto didn’t get it.

“Thanks, Shika.” Naruto gave Shikamaru a small smile. Different to normal, but no less genuine; representative of the relief that overtook his nervousness that he’d felt at getting the question wrong even with Shikamaru helping him. “You helped a lot.”

“Anytime you need it man.” Shikamaru leaned forward on the desk before settling his head in his arms so he was still facing Naruto slightly, and could see him if he opened his eyes. “I’m gonna chill here if you need me.”

Naruto let out a laughing breath before leaning back on two legs of his chair. “Kay.”

“You two done being weird now?” Kiba yelled at them from the desk next to them, leaning around Shino who sighed.

“Just because you aren’t inclined to do any work at all Kiba, does not mean others cannot be.”

“Yeah Kiba.” Naruto stuck his tongue out at his friend.

The rest of the lesson went smoothly enough and at the end, Naruto bounced up from his seat, ready to get to his next lesson, which was Photography.

“What have you got next Shika?” He nudged the other boy to try and rouse him from the chair. Shikamaru was almost always the last person to leave the room.

Naruto looked to the door where Shino was waiting. Either IT or Geography then because the two dark-haired boys shared those lessons.

“Ugh… IT. It’s too hot for this. I think I’ll just stay here.” Shikamaru slumped further onto his desk.

“I mean, you could do that, but I have first years next, so you’ll have to deal with them.” Kakashi looked up from his book (which many other teachers had tried to have him sanctioned for reading in front of students, but Kakashi was one of the most qualified teachers they had so nothing ever came of it and eventually everyone just gave up) briefly to shrug at Shikamaru – who groaned.

He slumped sideways, lazily closing his books and shoving them into his bag. “Fucking hyperactive first years.” Technically first years weren’t even first years, that’s just what they were called when they moved from the lower part of the school up into the higher part at eleven years old.

Naruto bounced slightly in place as he waited.

“Oh, and I got your email. You can use the labs whenever you want, but I’m obligated to supervise you, so tell me beforehand.” Kakashi called out, giving them a half-assed wave as they started walking out.

“Cool. I’ll email you when I figure it out.” Shikamaru gave a half-assed wave back and Naruto figured those two would have been great friends if they’d born in the same generation. They both only did as much as was necessary to succeed and didn’t care much for other people’s opinions.

“Bye Kakashi!” Naruto called back to his teacher, who looked up to give him an eye smile.

“Bye Naruto.” Then he got up and walked through the door at the side of the classroom that all the science classrooms had to connect them together, going who knows where.

The first years who were already lined up outside the classroom looked like they were about to give up on life. Naruto felt half sorry for them and half like laughing his head off. Kakashi had been known to keep a class waiting for the whole period before. It had happened to him. He remembered Shikamaru had been the least bothered out of everyone each time. Lying down and taking a nap.

“There he goes.” Naruto couldn’t help the dramatics. He saw a few of the first years who hadn’t noticed sweat drop, slumping against the wall. Shikamaru almost smirked, probably would have if he could be bothered too, and Shino just shook his head.

“I am just thankful he rarely does this with the elder classes.”

“Shino, you know better than to say something like that.” Shikamaru sighed.

It was true, Kakashi seemed to get kicks out of messing with his students, and if he heard Shino had said that he would more than likely not bother showing up at all next lesson.

“Ah.” Shino didn’t say anything else, but Naruto could bet he was probably cursing his lack of thinking in his head. One of the first years only had to mention it within Kakashi’s earshot and they were all doomed.

Naruto wanted to ask Shikamaru what he’d emailed Kakashi about, but he had a feeling about what it was about, and so figured he’d wait until a time Shino wasn’t there. Not that he didn’t like or trust Shino. Just that he didn’t want this to become a thing, where all his friends knew about his situation. Shikamaru was more than enough, and they were all curious enough after yesterday and last lesson anyway.

“Hayate won’t mark you guys down for being late, will he?” Naruto questioned just before they pulled away to get to their different classes. Most students were in their classrooms by this point.

“Hayate is more than used to Shikamaru’s lateness, and had become accustomed to me accompanying him.” Shino pushed his glasses up his nose and Naruto thought he looked rather put-upon. Shino wasn’t quite one for lateness, and when they’d been younger he had often gone ahead without them so as not to be late, but as they got older for whatever reason he relaxed and it seemed extended time around Shikamaru had gotten him used to it.

“I’m not surprised. Think fast Shika.” Just before he started down the stairs to the Art department, he shot his foot out, catching Shikamaru in the ankle.

“’Ruto!” Shikamaru rarely yelled and it was more out of shock than anything else so Naruto just grinned and ran down the stairs, waving behind him. He heard Shino’s voice behind him.

“I did think he’d been too calm this morning. You know Naruto can’t live without a little chaos.” He managed to catch Shikamaru’s answering groan in response.

He wondered if Shikamaru would just stay on the floor. He’d done it before. It always caused Asuma a great deal of grief as Shikamaru’s form tutor.

He was still grinning when he walked into Kurenai’s classroom, and she only rolled her eyes and smiled at him.

“What have you done now?” She marked him in on her computer as he stopped by her desk.

“Nothing! Why would you even think that?”

She just laughed and handed him a couple of sheets.

“Go sit down you menace.”

Photography class passed quickly and Naruto gave Kurenai one last cheeky grin which got him rolled eyes and a shoo-ing motion before walking out, feeling less hopeless than he had yesterday.

Sakura met him outside, Kiba beside her. They were turned towards each other, tension making it apparent the two were arguing about something or another once again.

“Trouble in paradise?” Naruto snickered. They both turned to yell at him. Everyone knew Kiba and Sakura would never be a couple, there was nothing there but a hilariously antagonistic friendship, but they bickered so much it was easy to tease them for it.

“ _Fuck OFF Naruto_.” It only made it more hilarious that the two of them said exactly the same thing, in exactly the same way, at exactly the same time.

It was less hilarious when they both sent matching punches his way. Luckily, he avoided Sakura’s, but Kiba’s caught him in the chest.

“OW! Learn to take a goddamn joke you pair of dicks.” Naruto yelled out breathlessly, Kiba had hit a bit too hard. The boy in question pulled his mouth into a slight grimace vaguely apologetically but still crossed his arms.

“I wasn’t funny four years ago, and it hasn’t been funny a single time since then.” Sakura whacked him with her bag, luckily though she was short-tempered most of the time she cooled fairly easily and seeing as Kiba had already dealt the damage the whack had no power. Just a heavy nudge.

They started walking to the tree where their friends normally all met at breaks. Arguing laughing on their way there. This time Naruto versus the two of them.

Naruto tapered off slightly as they passed a group of students. His attention caught by one of the members. Black eyes met his briefly before looking away again.

Kiba and Sakura noticed, Sakura tensing and ducking her head slightly, fists clenching. Kiba started getting angry like he always did.

“He’s such a fucking dick.”

“Kiba-” Naruto started.

“No. I don’t get why you still defend him even though he doesn’t care enough to give you the time of day Naruto. Fucking Uchiha thinks he’s too good for us. Well, he can go straight to hell with all his new buddies. I hope he gets caught up in drugs just like the rest of them, overdoses and dies.” Kiba spat out angrily, storming off.

Sakura sped up to keep pace beside him as she exclaimed how out of order his last comment had been. Sakura hadn’t been particularly close to Sasuke when they were all in the same friendship group - no-one except for Naruto really was - but she’d had a not-so-secret crush on him for practically all their acquaintance and she was practically the only person in their group other than Naruto who didn’t refer to Sasuke with disdain or aversion after he’d up and left them all.

Naruto slowed down as the two powered ahead in their separate angered states, Kiba’s loud words stuck in his head.

Naruto twisted his body, unable to keep his head turned around. A lot of people had heard what Kiba had said and were staring after the two pacing away, still yelling. He saw the very group Kiba had gotten so angry about staring after him with contempt and derision, probably muttering insults about Kiba between them. Except for Sasuke, who’s coal black eyes bore straight into his own cerulean blue. Naruto’s breath caught. Sasuke had heard every word Kiba had said.

He opened his mouth as if to say something. But Sasuke was too far away and Naruto wasn’t going to shout across the expanse of students to him. Naruto shut his mouth. He felt sick. It wasn’t until Karin, who stood by Sasuke caught sight of him and turned her vicious snarling face onto him that he spun around, following the trail of Kiba and Sakura. Sasuke’s gaze still on his back.

* * *

It seemed by the time Naruto made it to where the rest of them were sat the topic of Kiba’s loud exclamation had spread into a wide argument/bitching session. With most of their group agreeing with Kiba that Sasuke was a dick, but the likes of Hinata and Choji arguing that didn’t mean Kiba had the right to say something like that, mainly being overridden. Normally Naruto would expect Shino to check Kiba on his behaviour, but on the matter of Sasuke he knew Shino was of a similar mind, perhaps not to Kiba’s violently hot-headed exclamations, but he wasn’t fond of the aloof Uchiha after his abandonment of the group.

Naruto stood slightly behind the wall of one stone wall, knowing if he turned the corner everyone would catch sight of him and that would just be awkward. Naruto had been the main reason Sasuke was ever in their group to begin with.

This wasn’t how this day was supposed to go. It had been going so well. Science hadn’t been a lesson full of aggravating cluelessness like usual, Photography had pumped up his spirits even more and he’d expected to get a rare glaringly reluctant rise from Shikamaru when he saw him again after the stunt he’d pulled earlier, which would turn into Shika eventually responding to Naruto’s teasing. It was always fun when he could get Shikamaru to actually respond with more than a sigh to something, and after yesterday Naruto had been more than enthusiastic to try getting more out of Shikamaru than he had ever before. Now, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be faced with anyone.

“Shikamaru, I’ve told you before. If you smoke that shit around me, I will put it out on your skin.” Ino’s voice cut away from the conversation topic and Naruto knew the threat by heart now. It was the same every time Shikamaru lit up a cigarette. The answering heavy sigh was the same too and Naruto would have normally rolled his eyes as the discourse.

He didn’t feel like it today. It reminded him of when Sasuke would pester him to eat more than shitty instant ramen. He was the only one who had picked up on Naruto’s bad eating habits. Or at least, the only one who had ever called him out on it. Most people thought Naruto was a picky eater, but in all honesty, he would eat anything if he had to, but he’d gotten used to surviving on instant ramen. It was cheap and easy and reliable, and often enough he didn’t have the appetite for much more. He knew it was psychological due to his mentality from growing up the way he did. It was why he had so little fat on his body, just short of venturing into too skinny. His advanced healing generally stopped him from getting that far, turning everything he ate into something productive to add to his body mass.

Naruto closed his eyes. Shikamaru was walking towards him and he knew if he stayed where he was Shikamaru would see him and know he’d heard everything and that he’d been _hiding_ but if he moved now Shikamaru would hear him and probably guess, and Naruto’s hair was so goddamn bright if he didn’t get out of sight in time Shikamaru would just see him and identify him straight away and then he would know Naruto was _running away_ and that was worse hiding.

So Naruto just leant back against the wall and stared forward, trying to distract his mind as Shikamaru slowly came to a stop a few meters across from him.

He could smell the cigarette smoke from here. It was familiar by this point. No-one quite knew how it was Shikamaru had got into smoking. No-one else in their group actively smoked the way he did and he only ever got hounded for it, but despite the trouble he got for it he hadn’t given it up. Naruto had wondered at the backstory for that for a while now.

“I can tell them to stop if you want.” Shikamaru spoke in his same lazy drawl.

Naruto shook his head. A pointless action. Neither of them were looking at each other. At least… he didn’t think so. He couldn’t feel Shikamaru’s eyes on him in any case. The offer was more one of comforting but useless goodwill rather than anything else. Though it would probably work in theory, if Shikamaru told the rest of them to drop the subject they would. He wasn’t necessarily the leader of their group. In fact, they didn’t necessarily even have a leader but Shikamaru had the kind of ingrained authority that he rarely used but when he did, everyone listened, just because it was often so out of character for him to actively do anything they all knew he was serious. But they both knew it wouldn’t be that helpful. Everyone would guess he’d done it on Naruto’s behalf. There really wasn’t any other reason he’d care enough to stop them.

“Nah. I’m actually just gonna head to next period. Gaara said they were talking about transferring him to my class anyway. Apparently he got into a fight with one of the kids in his class and they won’t let them in screaming distance of each other anymore.” Naruto was practically an expert at diversion tactics at this point in his life. Unfortunately, Shikamaru had already proved himself capable of cutting through Naruto’s bullshit.

“Yeah, Temari was talking about something like that in the canteen yesterday. I think everyone that was there heard that.” Shikamaru paused to take a drag of his cigarette and expel it. Naruto could feel his gaze now. “You weren’t there were you? You missed breakfast this morning too.”

Naruto stared straight ahead still, but his eyes were terribly unfocused and his breath caught in his chest painfully. He’d just been thinking about it. Just been _fucking thinking about it_ and then Shikamaru called him out on it. Different to how Sasuke always called him out it, but the comparison was too much. Especially when he was forced to remind himself - different to how Sasuke _used_ to call him out on it. He didn’t care enough to do that anymore apparently. Just as Kiba had said: _‘he doesn’t care enough to give you the time of day’_.

And then suddenly that was enough for Naruto. He didn’t care if it was running away anymore. He practically flung himself out of his leaning position, turned abruptly on one heel and stalked away. His head roaring at him like he’d been stuck underwater too long.

“Naruto?” Shikamaru didn’t yell after him. His name was spoken quietly, Shikamaru confused and questioning as he was left wondering what the hell he’d just triggered with his words.

* * *

First day after being told he had to get his grades up and attend all classes and already he’d given up and ditched class, jumping over the school wall on the far side of campus where they had less CCTV to catch you out.

It wasn’t exactly like he had any place in mind to go to, as the school was stuck in the middle of nowhere, several dozen miles from the nearest city, but he didn’t feel like being on campus right now.

He didn’t care much about that, just kept walking for the next several hours, until the natural light started dimming and he turned to head back.

Which was hard once it started getting dark. Naruto had generally stuck to a path of sorts, sticking to the edge of the forest areas so he didn’t get to lost in them (he’d learned that one from past experience) and walking directly through fields. But still, there were points he started worrying he’d gone in the wrong direction.

It was very dark and had been for a while when he finally saw the lights that the school emitted. There were regulations that meant some lights were always kept on. He was thankful for that.

Naruto skirted the wall to get to the same place he’d jumped over.

There was no way he’d be able to get into his dorm room on the second floor through the building entrance. They locked it at a certain time of night for safety reasons.

Luckily, Naruto had friends on the ground floor.

He had to dodge a few night shift guards and wandering teachers on his way there, but he got there.

Knocking softly on the window he waited to hear the curtains being drawn aside. He tilted his head into viewing angle and smiled slightly at the unamused look he got in return. The window was opened straight away though so he figured he wasn’t going to get too much of a disapproving rant.

“Yosh. Naruto what are you doing out so late?” Lee’s speech patterns never differed even when half asleep apparently.

“I got locked out.” Naruto whispered, aware some occupants of the room were still asleep as he climbed through the window. Their room was smaller than Naruto’s own dorm room. Holding only four of them (the other two still asleep).

“What were you doing out at quarter to two in the morning Naruto?” Neji’s disapproval was blatant in his voice as he closed the window behind his friend.

“I needed to take a walk.” It wasn’t even a lie.

Neji looked at him. Naruto couldn’t see much in the darkness, his eyes were still adjusting to the difference between being inside, the walls blocking out the light of the moon. But Neji had freakishly good eyes and he could probably see Naruto was still in his school uniform, bag and everything.

“You ditched class.” He observed. Though not quite as disapprovingly as he could. He probably already knew. One of Naruto’s friends must have told him, or maybe Neji and the other two had joined them at some point and noticed themselves. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for them despite being in the year above.

Naruto shrugged.

“That was not very youthful Naruto. You worried us.” Ah. So they had definitely known. That explained why Neji looked more awake than Lee. He had probably been waiting to see if Naruto was going to come around. He was a bloodhound when he wanted to be.

“Sorry. I didn’t do it to worry you.” Naruto responded to Lee’s concern honestly. When he’d first met Lee he hadn’t been able to take much of what he’d said seriously, due to the older boys habit of substituting most adjectives for ‘youthful’ or something similar. But he’d gotten used to it and Lee’s concern was just as valid no matter how he phrased it, not to mention Naruto could more than relate to Lee’s desire to connect to the first person to treat him with compassion. For Lee that had been Gai and so his adoption of his teacher’s mannerisms was understandable despite being quirky.

Neji sighed at Naruto’s response. Naruto was important to him because he’s had such a large effect on Neji’s view of the world the older boy had connected to him, making him protective of Naruto in his own way. It was one of the reasons Naruto knew Neji would help him out and not breathe a word to anybody about him being out after curfew. Making sure no-one else in the dorm would either. He also knew Naruto honestly didn’t do it to worry them or gain attention, he just needed the space and the time alone.

“Would you like to stay here? Or will you be returning to your room?”

“Ah, I’ll head up. Thanks for letting me in Neji. See you tomorrow Lee.” He squeezed Neji’s shoulder before he left the room, knowing full well Neji would watch him go through the doors and walk up the stairs before he would return to his own room.

He quietly climbed the stairs, punching in the code to the hallway quickly but precisely, listening to see if there was anyone awake to catch him. There wasn’t.

Unlocking the door to his room as silently as he could he stepped through, mindful one of the guys could have very well dropped their bag right in the doorway, so he made his steps cautious and slow.

No-one reacted to his entrance so he took that to mean they were all asleep. Shino was the lightest sleeper out of all of them, but even then he could sleep through the rest of them shifting and turning throughout the night.

Naruto sat on his bed to take off his shoes. Knowing it was liable that if he tried to do so standing up he would hop around, fall over something and crash to the floor, waking everyone up. His bag went underneath his bed before he shed his shirt and trousers, switching them out for the old, worn trackies he’d left on his bed that morning. He peeled his socks off and kneaded his feet slightly. They were aching from walking all day.

He slid underneath his sheet, not quite tired, despite the constant walking, but glad to be lying down in his bed.

Staring up into the darkness he let his mind travel to the other boy lying three or so meters across the room from him.

He had no clue what he’d say to him tomorrow. It wasn’t like Shikamaru had done anything wrong. He’d just poked at something he didn’t realise Naruto was already raw over and Naruto had completely over-reacted to it.

“Where'd you go?” Was asked quietly across the room to him, and Naruto closed his eyes. He was silent for a beat. He knew he could feign sleep. Shikamaru had waited long enough for him to adequately fall asleep before he spoke. Probably on purpose. Because Naruto was also pretty sure Shikamaru had noticed he was awake and if Naruto didn’t answer it would be because he didn’t want to, and Shikamaru was likely cautious about confronting him on anything considering how he’d reacted to a fairly casual question this morning.

“Just went for a walk. Clear my head and all.” Naruto turned his head to the side. It was still too dark for him to actually see Shikamaru, but he could make out his faint outline. “Sorry for freaking out on you earlier.”

“You don’t have to apologise if you didn’t do anything wrong. Sorry for prying.” Naruto quite liked the smooth, clear way Shikamaru had of speaking at this time of night. It was soothing.

“You didn’t pry. You just reminded me of something I wasn’t ready to be reminded of.” Naruto wasn’t entirely sure what Shikamaru would derive from that. It probably sounded like he had an eating disorder or something. But that wasn't the issue. At least, the issue he had freaked out over. It was more the combined efforts of Kiba, Sasuke and his own mind that had got to him that morning, Shikamaru had just been the one to unintentionally push him over the edge.

They were both quiet as they both thought about that. The only sound Chōji and Kiba’s occasional snores.

“You know, when I said next time shit happens, tell me, I did mean anything, not just school shit. And I will hold you to that. When you’re ready, I expect you to tell me what’s going on. You freaked me out when you just left and then didn’t show up again after.”

Naruto was internally surprised how Shika’s words didn’t upset him or make him freak out like they had earlier. For once, he didn’t take what someone said to him the wrong way, he knew how easy it would be for him to interpret what Shika had said as him pushing Naruto to tell him everything. But he found he could actually understand Shikamaru enough to realise that wasn’t what he’d said.

It was just another reminder that Shikamaru was there and willing to listen. Just like he had proved yesterday, he was reminding him again today.

“I’m not used to it.” Naruto figured he could start by telling Shikamaru something truthful. “Not really. Even though I have people who worry about me, I’m still not great at acknowledging that.” It was always easier to say this kind of thing in the dark. “Not really from anyone but Sasuke because we are- were similar, he’s gone now.” It was more than he’d intended to say, but it was truthful.

“I think we all knew that.” Naruto tried to find Shikamaru’s eyes in the darkness, but he couldn’t so he just settled on what he thought was his face. “That you two were close for a reason. But we never knew why. It was your business, you know. We couldn’t really confront you on it.” Naruto wondered whether Shikamaru expected him to reply to that, but when he spoke again he realised he hadn’t. “Kiba was out of order earlier. He should have known better than to say that to you.”

Naruto realised Shikamaru must have gotten exactly what Kiba had said earlier somehow. Either from Kiba or Sakura. Likely Ino actually, Sakura would have told her and Shikamaru was closest to Ino out of the three.

“Doesn’t make it any less true.” Naruto whispered quietly because it was true. The way Sasuke had completely dropped him just showed a complete lack of care.

“I don’t know Sasuke. Never really tried to, but I don’t necessarily think that about him not caring is true. It looks like it, from the way he’s acting now, but considering how he used to treat you, there was no reason for him to suddenly stop caring about you when you were just out the only person he’s ever acted vaguely human around.”

“Maybe he just got bored. Figured he had better things to do than waste his time.” Naruto knew that was a vulnerable statement to make and was surprised when Shikamaru laughed softly. Naruto tensed up, confused at his response.

“Naruto you are the least boring person I know. Sasuke didn’t get bored of you. If anything he looks more bored now.”

More bored now? That made no sense.

“That makes no sense Shika. He’s in advanced classes, he has new friends...” Naruto tried to figure out what Shikamaru was thinking. He couldn’t.

“New classes that I’ve seen. Asuma tried to convince me to advance to higher classes and I gave him a hard no. They’re silent. The students in those class don’t get the time to talk because they’re always being pushed to do more. They’re incredibly dull, and despite his aspirations to achieve whatever it is he’s aiming for, Sasuke has never quite been able to keep his head down and work. He’s always rising to your comments and I know more than once he has been the one to start one of your classroom-wide debates that get you both put in detention in Iruka’s class.

“And I know you try to avoid looking at him with his new _friends_ but despite the fact they seem to think he’s great, he looks as though he’d rather be on his own and he’s always looking off in a different direction. He never used to do that. Not when you two were together anyway. He never managed to distance himself with you. You don’t realise but you’re naturally charismatic Naruto, and even Sasuke can’t avoid that. If anything he seems like the type of person to drop you because he cares too much and that wasn’t part of his plan.”

Naruto listened to Shikamaru’s words, part of him wanting to reject them because the subject hurt too much to acknowledge, but his mind was already thinking over everything, seeing things the way Shikamaru did wasn’t hard when he explained it, and that made him start thinking about it again. Before, he had forced himself to just drop it and accept Sasuke didn’t care. Now he had a new possibility. He wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.

“It doesn’t change that something happened to make him turn away. I don’t know what I did.” Naruto really didn’t want to make a habit of crying every time he talked to Shikamaru, but now the other boy kept finding ways to get him talking about things he had no intention of talking about that was getting progressively harder.

“Have you considered you didn’t do anything? People are capable of manipulating themselves into doing things for reasons that only exist to them. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case with Sasuke.” Naruto had considered that, but he’d also discarded it because...

“If that’s true then what can I do to change it?” He could barely choke out the words. “If it’s all his making then I have absolutely no control of how he sees me. I can’t change his mind.” The tears were back again. This time the tugging behind his eyes was a familiar sensation once again. He hated it, hated how he reacted to it by making his breathing as slow and silent as he could, reverting back to the silent crying he used to do as a child when he wanted to stay hidden.

He rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. Shikamaru sensed the change quickly. Naruto waited as he tried to breathe evenly and not suffocate himself in the pillow. He knew Shikamaru wouldn’t leave the conversation like that, but he also knew it was hard to find the right response to what he had said.

He was just on the verge of saying never mind when Shikamaru shifted. More than shifted. Got out of his bed and walked over to Naruto’s.

He crouched down so they were level with each other and for the first time that evening Naruto could see Shikamaru’s face.

“I don’t want to be insensitive, that’s not my intention Naruto,” Well, now that was just making dread curl in Naruto’s gut. What was he going to say? “But maybe you can’t change it. Is Sasuke really worth it? The pain you’re going through? I can see how much this keeps effecting you, and I know you care about Sasuke, and it’s not easy letting go of someone you care about, but if it’s only going to hurt you… maybe the best thing to do is let go.”

Naruto stared at Shikamaru, before turning his head back into his pillow. He spoke into it.

“But I do care about him. He was my first friend, and he deserves friendship too.” Naruto wasn’t sure how to explain his friendship with Sasuke to Shikamaru.

“Does he?”

“Yes.” Naruto couldn’t be bothered to put any venom into his statement. He couldn’t find it in himself to get angry and riled up over it. He just turned his head back to look at Shikamaru.

* * *

POV Change (Shikamaru)

* * *

Shikamaru felt his stare go through him, the distant emotion in his eyes that spoke of pain made him feel woefully ignorant about so much of what made up Naruto. His friendship with Sasuke. The depth and truth of his emotions. It was so hard to know exactly what he felt. To understand why he felt it.

“Then maybe you just deserve better.” Naruto’s blue eyes were absent of the vibrant colour in the dark. It was unnerving. It made them look duller. His face was relaxed, not out of contentment or relief, but more due to emotional exhaustion.

But then he looked at Shikamaru. Meeting his eyes rather than staring at him. An indescribable emotion passed over his face, making his eyes seem less distant and letting Shikamaru believe he hadn’t completely screwed up everything he was trying to build between them with his words.

“Why is friendship so hard Shika?” Naruto asked him softly. Shikamaru wasn’t expecting the question and it made his emotions waver. It wasn’t supposed to be. It wasn’t supposed to be so hard. It wasn’t supposed to make you hurt so much. It wasn’t supposed to make Naruto look so hopeless.

Shikamaru wanted to tell him that. He wanted to tell him that it wasn’t a _maybe_. He deserved so much better than Sasuke. So much better in general. Shikamaru hated the cards Naruto had been dealt. Because he knew more about what his friend had to go through than Naruto realised. Which is why he didn’t say what he wanted to. Because it just seemed like a spit in the face. Everything Naruto went through he had to go through the hard way. Naruto already knew that. But telling him that wouldn’t make him feel any better.

Instead, he went for something else. Something equally as true.

“Cus you give so much of yourself to everyone around you Naruto. You don’t hide yourself away and that leaves you open to get hurt. But that makes you strong. Because if you never take chances you’ll never gain anything in return.”

“Life hurts.” Naruto whispered to him and Shikamaru felt like crying. His chest felt so tight. But he just nodded.

Naruto closed his eyes. He looked so tired and Shikamaru watched as his breathing changed until he was actually asleep this time, his face relaxing. His legs burned from staying crouched for so long, but Shikamaru felt like they should.

He didn’t stand up for a few more seconds. When he did, he stood silently in the middle of the room for a few beats.

“Shino?” He waited for an acknowledgement from the other boy who had been conspicuously silent for too long. His breathing almost absent as though he were trying to go unnoticed in the room. Shino shifted before he spoke.

“Yes, Shikamaru?” Shino was quiet, his voice out of place after the absence of it previously.

“Don’t mention this to anyone okay? It’s private.” Shikamaru wasn’t asking and they both knew that, but they both pretended anyway.

“Of course. It isn’t my place to share what was exchanged between the two of you.”

“Thank you.” Shikamaru got back into his bed, thoughts still racing, sleep no longer an option.

He lay there even as he heard Shino drop off back to sleep. He had heard him wake up part way through the conversation with Naruto, but Shino could be trusted to leave what wasn’t his business alone and Shikamaru had cared more about finally getting Naruto to open up than worrying about Shino. If it was Kiba or Chōji he likely would have acknowledged their consciousness aloud for Naruto’s sake, because although not likely to spread what they heard, they were more likely to share it with the rest of their friends or try and help in some way that likely wouldn’t help at all, rather make Naruto clam up further, similarly to how he had when Shikamaru had unintentionally pushed him that morning.

Getting Naruto to confide in him was already something that he had only just succeeded in, having to take the direct approach after a few weeks of subtly attempting to broach the subject without openly addressing what was bothering the generally bright boy. But Naruto was exceptionally good at avoiding subjects he didn’t want to discuss. In fact, Shikamaru was half sure he did it unintentionally, so used to curving a subject it was just instinctual for him whenever he half considered where the conversation could possibly be heading. It was frustrating and it was so rarely just them that Shikamaru couldn’t directly confront him on it without drawing in the rest of their friends. Which was so far from what he wanted it was ridiculous.

So he’d jumped on the opportunity yesterday, not caring how suspicious he’d seemed, Chōji was still giving him looks about it at dinner earlier that evening, and Kiba wasn’t bothering to be subtle about Shikamaru helping Naruto out in science that morning. Shikamaru’s own sheet had been handed in blank, as it was most times, but Naruto had actually been able to understand the concept so Shikamaru didn’t care, not after Naruto had agreed to let Shikamaru help him. Even if it was just with school work. He’d promised to talk to Shikamaru too. Though that one had already proven itself complicated. Not that Shikamaru had expected it to be easy. But Naruto had seemed more aware of the fact that Shikamaru cared and was more than willing to help him, so he had considered that successful.

Then he’d fucked up by broaching Naruto’s eating patterns (or lack thereof, he hadn’t been there for lunch or dinner either, Naruto hadn’t eaten at all that day Shikamaru realised) which he knew was something Sasuke had been the one to bug Naruto over in the past. But now Sasuke wasn’t around to do that (and that was a major reason for Shikamaru’s growing anger towards him, he knew Naruto’s issues, better than Shikamaru did, and still he abandoned him) so Shikamaru had tried to address it because it had gotten so much worse since Sasuke had left at the beginning of the year, and that had gone so wrong Shikamaru had feared that would put everything ten steps backwards and break whatever kind of trust Naruto had extended to him yesterday.

Apparently, it hadn’t though which Shikamaru was beyond thankful for. He had never been in a situation like this before. Never thought he would put himself in a situation like this either. That was before he’d met Naruto. Before he’d grown to care so much for him. Before Sasuke had proven himself a grade A asshole and ditched Naruto. Shikamaru was confident he’d only taken advanced classes for that purpose. He’d never cared about them before, and it wasn’t necessary for him to leave the dorms either, he must have specifically requested that. Not to mention his complete disrespect towards any of their friendship group who had attempted to approach them and aggressive coldness to any attempt Naruto made to regain his friendship. Shikamaru had never seen Naruto give up before, but in the past two months, it had seemed that was what was happening.

Well, it was Sasuke’s loss. Now if only he could convince Naruto of that.

Shikamaru sighed in the darkness of the room and waited for morning to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has more insight into Naruto's (past) friendship with Sasuke.  
> Additionally, this chapter has some rather abrupt tone changes. That's intentional.  
> Just in case anyone asks, this won't be at all SasuNaru, they just had a close friendship in the past that wasn't really rivalled by anyone else, and so Naruto's still slightly reeling from the unexpected end to that, so it might seem like angsty unrequited love, but it's just best friend love.


End file.
